In a move that is sure to assuage the fears of institutional investors and venture capitalists worldwide, King Kong Bushy, fresh off demanding a five count from a surgified Iraq, has agreed with Congress on an economic stimulus package. The plan, designed to forestall the utter collapse of civilization that is hurtling toward us like a fat man on banana peel skis, should put a whopping $600 into the pockets of every taxpaying American.
Because I work with alarming alacrity, I have engaged a team of pollsters and tasked them with testing the financial prostates of Joe Public and his wife, Suzie Herpes.
America, What Do You Plan on Doing with Your Economic Stimuslix?
11%: Donating It to Mike Huckabee for President
33%: Buying Investment Property
6%: Adding a NOX Injector to My 2008 Prius
14%: Getting Gastric Bypass Surgery
20%: Hiring a Videographer to Produce a High Quality Extreme Makeover: Home Edition Submission Tape
43%: Buying a 56" Flatscreen 1080p Plasma TV at Best Buy -- 2 Years, No Interest
21%: Purchasing Small Caliber Rifle to Fight Off Foreclosure Agents
87%: Building Border Fence
Analogcabin @ 9:48 AM ------------------------- We've got another one today, everybody. I'll keep it short: If you're in New Hampshire and registered, get out there and vote for Barack. Analogcabin @ 10:49 AM ------------------------- So today's the day, finally. The first of a few days, really. But it's a big 'un, for sure. I'm not going to get into all of this again, for fear I'll have to track down and beat up more brigands, so let it suffice to say that if you're reading this from Iowa, go caucus for Obama. Analogcabin @ 8:27 AM -------------------------
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Tuesday, January 08, 2008
If you really want to read something, why not check out this post from way back in February 2007 in which I speculated about what might happen with Obama and McCain's pledges to use only public financing in the general, should their opponent do the same. I think it's interesting to think about again, now that we're closer to the rubber hitting the road.
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Thursday, January 03, 2008
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