This is funny.
Analogcabin @ 2:56 PM ------------------------- It doesn't take a criminal mastermind to figure out that holding illegal immigrants for ransom is probably not the best use of your time. I mean, if they had any money they'd be on tourist or student visas or something. It's kind of like trying to sell an Ethiopian a freezer.
Analogcabin @ 1:05 PM ------------------------- Some things are so horrible, they don't require a joke to make you laugh weakly. An 8-year-old boy calling 911 and saying, "my daddy killed me with a butcher knife" is one of them. Analogcabin @ 8:23 AM ------------------------- Most people see Halloween as a time for costumes and candy, tricks and treats. Not Bexar County, Texas District Attorney Susan Reed, though. Maybe she's a pessimist, a cynic, or maybe she's just old-fashioned, but she sees the holiday as nothing more than "curb service for child molesters." And free delivery of boy ass is something that she just won't cotton this year.
Analogcabin @ 4:39 PM ------------------------- I don't know much about blood platelets, but I know sick when I see it. The last time I saw somebody look this bad, his heartlight was about to go out.
Analogcabin @ 4:17 PM ------------------------- It's not that I'm in favor of enslaving the retarded, it's just that I think we need clearer legal definitions of both "retarded" and "slave."
Analogcabin @ 10:47 AM ------------------------- Thanks to demi-genius Rob Diener, I now have access to more detailed information on who reads this site than previously available to me. Rather than sell this invaluable information to marketers interested in better targeting the "Bored, Simple, Easily Amused" demographic, I thought I'd share it and take the opportunity to address some of my visitors publicly.
Analogcabin @ 9:28 AM ------------------------- Under normal circumstances, news of Rehnquist's cancer would have me atwitter, eagerly anticipating the possibilities for his replacement. Don't get me wrong: I'm against cancer and when someone gets it, I'm sad. But when that someone's resume includes notable moments like a dissent of Roe v. Wade, the sadness is tempered if only slightly by hope that perhaps God isn't really on their side. At least, not completely.
Analogcabin @ 12:57 PM ------------------------- The joke here is something about beating a dead horsey sauce. Analogcabin @ 9:22 AM ------------------------- Maybe you've heard about Seattle area school superintendent Tony Apostle and how he banned in-school Halloween festivities this year, and maybe you thought to yourself something like this:
Analogcabin @ 4:30 PM ------------------------- You know there's something seriously wrong with our health care system when Americans are going to the home of the bite-down-on-this-strip-of-leather school of anesthesia, Mexico, to get shots of anything other than tequila. Analogcabin @ 4:13 PM ------------------------- In addition to helping organize a 20th anniversary remake of his famous charity single benefitting African famine victims, "Do They Know It's Christmas? (Of Course Those Ignorant Beasts Don't)", sources have confirmed that Bob Geldof is slowly tranforming into a sundried tomato.
Analogcabin @ 11:42 AM ------------------------- I'm in the process of catching a cold, and those of you who've been with me for a while realize that makes for seriously weak and infrequent posts. Look forward to that for the next week or so.
Analogcabin @ 3:21 PM ------------------------- Somehow, I think that news of Jandek's first ever public performance is the saddest of the day. I'm not saying sellout; it's more like the end of a delicious mystery by, say, the delightful Sue Grafton and the hollow feeling that remains. It marks the end of an era, though I suppose it's time he's rewarded for his persistence and patience.
Analogcabin @ 10:31 AM ------------------------- Abu Hamza al-Mazri is under arrest.
Analogcabin @ 8:53 AM ------------------------- Breathe out, Citizens of the World, for officials finally have slain India's Robin Hood, the infamous Veerappan. After decades on the run, he was killed in a gunfight with members of the Special Task Force that was formed specifically to bring him and his famous moustache to justice.
Analogcabin @ 8:41 AM ------------------------- It's out of fear of seeming like a whimpering pinko that I bring this story to your attention. Apparently seven of the ne'er-do-wells released from the prison camp at Guantanamo Bay have returned to lives full of dastardly acts of violence, this despite having signed a legally binding agreements to be good forevermore. To that, I say for shame, my caramel-colored cuties, for shame.
Analogcabin @ 4:49 PM ------------------------- It was announced today that Steve Martin will serve as executive producer of a reality show called The Scholar. In it, 15 high school seniors who can't afford college will take part in academic, leadership, school spirit, and community service competitions. The winner gets a full ride while the losers weep as their American dream melts away and they are condemned to a miserable minimum wage life. But funny. Analogcabin @ 1:00 PM ------------------------- I apologize in advance for this post. I set out to make it humorless, as opposed to the rest of what's on here where the humorlessness happens as a matter of course.
Analogcabin @ 6:18 AM ------------------------- Them. Over there. The brown people. They're the crazy ones. This is just good Christian sense. Analogcabin @ 3:42 PM ------------------------- According to a new study, about 1% of adults is asexual -- or, has no interest in sex whatsoever.
Analogcabin @ 12:01 PM ------------------------- Analogcabin @ 12:55 PM ------------------------- Officer Krupke pointed us in the direction of this little gem a mañana. Apparently the Chinese government is offering cash rewards to citizens that point them in the direction of pornographic web sites.
Analogcabin @ 12:41 PM ------------------------- You may remember Mary Kay LeTourneau -- the kind-of-hot, crazy-eyed teacher jailed for sleeping with her 13-year-old student. She was the first of her glorious kind. Her act was later aped and, arguably, perfected by the hotter, sluttier, and crazier Debbie Beasley, but you can't replicate perfection. Our Lady of Make a Statutory Wish kindled a thousand masturbatory fires, and those fires still rage today.
Analogcabin @ 10:26 AM ------------------------- I've got a good idea, honey: let's put the kids on some kind of ridiculous airship... like a hang-glider, only big enough for both of them. I guess you're right -- they're only 11, so they'll need somebody to drive it. Maybe we can get somebody really old, like 70. And not a glider... let's get something harder to steer. What about a hot air balloon? That'd be perfect! Where to? I don't know -- let's just point them in the direction of that huge radio tower. I bet that'd get them outta the house long enough for us to try out that speculum your sister gave us last Columbus Day!
Analogcabin @ 1:04 PM ------------------------- I don't think I need to tell you all what a big fan I am of 17-year-old girls, so you can imagine my delight upon hearing that one was found alive after spending 8 days in her wrecked car without food or water. Not the death of Superman, a Batman, and the Greatest American Hero could rob me of the joy I feel.
Analogcabin @ 11:38 AM ------------------------- Up, up, and away.
Analogcabin @ 8:19 AM ------------------------- I'm not sure if you've heard anything about it, but there's a presidential election coming up... right here in America!
Analogcabin @ 1:50 PM ------------------------- Analogcabin @ 8:51 AM ------------------------- Since the early 1990's, the heady heyday of the ex-pat scene in Prague, I've yearned for a tragicomic take on those wonderful times. Maybe a monologue. Or a play. Or a novel, but a short one. A film would be even better. They're easier to get, I think. Especially those mockumentaries -- I like them because I can always tell that they're satire.
Analogcabin @ 3:48 PM ------------------------- By request....
Analogcabin @ 1:43 PM ------------------------- In medical news, a judge declared that a man whose heart, kidneys, liver, and pancreas were harvested by an organ recovery team prior to an official declaration of brain death was technically murdered. To wit, the coroner described his cause of death as "removal of his internal organs by an organ recovery team," rather than by a large caliber gunshot wound to the head at close range, which is what the man treated himself to prior to being killed by some greedy surgeons with an Igloo.
Analogcabin @ 1:32 PM ------------------------- In other pedophile news, a man named Steve Christian, mayor of the tiny Pacific island of Pitcairn, is about to stand trail for keeping the island's women as "a personal harem." In legal terms, that breaks down to six charges of rape and four of indecent assault, apparently.
Analogcabin @ 1:49 PM ------------------------- I can barely muster words to discuss tapes of a part-time janitor diddling kids in the bathroom of a church.
Analogcabin @ 1:44 PM ------------------------- Idiot: This is amazing! I can't believe how beautiful it is up here!
Analogcabin @ 12:40 PM ------------------------- Extra! Extra! Kobe Bryant's accuser made have said "no" with her mouth; but she said "yes" with her ass! Read all about it! Analogcabin @ 4:19 PM ------------------------- There's something about a woman caked in dried adhesive paste.
Analogcabin @ 2:40 PM ------------------------- I'm not a doctor, though it's certainly not for a lack of understanding of human anatomy... if you get my meaning, so maybe I don't know all there is to know about neurosurgery. Still, something about this doesn't seem quite right.
Analogcabin @ 9:29 AM -------------------------
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On the other hand, the kidnappers took dozens of them, so I guess I can see the business model there -- kind of a Costco approach to the crime. But, personally, I've always looked at kidnapping as more of a boutique operation. There's all the personal contact with the relatives of the victim, what with the threats and negotiation of the demands. The overhead goes beyond your voice-altering cell phones and postage for threats or ears, you've got rent for wherever you plan on holding the person, plus some cost for food and water, and you can't count on any income in the days between the snatch and the drop.
But like I said, I'm no Lex Luther.
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Thursday, October 28, 2004
Reed has informed her jurisdiction's registered sex offenders to refrain from decorating, from handing out candy, or from being on the street after dark on Halloween. Sure there are pinkos and sickos that have said the step is an infringement of civil liberties and that, if we as a nation are so certain it's impossible to reform a child molester then we shouldn't let them out of prison in the first place. But I call it good Texan sense. I ask you this: would you give a drunk driver the keys to your car? What about a shifty, thieving Mexican the keys to your house? No and double no, am I right? Then why give the diddler next door the metaphorical keys to your precious Bobby's anal virginity?
Reed has also advised the area's Jewish pyromanics to leave the menorahs in the closet this year, old man fetishists to seal their chimneys prior to Christmas, and those convicted of hate crimes to refrain from celebrating Black History Month.
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Wednesday, October 27, 2004
I mean, it's easy to charge two folks in Missouri with forcing six mentally ill residents of group homes with illegal servitude when you're a white bread Jack Armstrong raised to believe in absolutes who hides behind a fancy badge and a navy blue FBI windbreaker. It's a little harder when you've worked with the retarded and know those floors ain't gonna mop themselves.
Sure, you get some guff when chore time comes around. "Me no want to clean the toilets! Me feets itchy! Me retarded!" Yeah... Retarded like a fox! It's so convenient how everyone gets retarded when there's work to be done. I, for one, don't fall for that scam, and it sounds like that Missouri couple doesn't either.
As a nation, I think it's time we all stopped screaming retard every time there are envelopes to stuff or candles to make. It's not slavery, people. It's motivation.
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Tuesday, October 26, 2004
Welcome, friends coming to me from the European Parliament in Luxembourg! I couldn't be more pleased to have an audience with you, though I should say that when next you do a Google search for lesbian stuff, remember that "sapphic" is not spelled with two F's.
And to the lawyers at Upton, Sanders, & Smith in Concord, New Hampshire and Morgan, Lewis, & Bockius in New York, hello! I can't help but notice you've been particularly interested in my post about gun-toting crusader for free speech Blake Douglass. Though my unkind intimations might conceal my admiration, know that I fully support his right to bear arms in his senior portrait, despite his public complaints that he's already "feeling alienated" at his school. It's like I always say: There's no better way to get in with the in crowd than to allow your parents to bring your already quirky hobbies to the attention of the worldwide press. Of course, I also support the bearing of genitals and full penetration shots in senior portraits, so perhaps I'm not the person you'd like standing at your side on the steps of the Supreme Court.
To Mr. Ashcroft and the rest of my friends at the US Department of Justice, let me say thank you for your tireless work on behalf of myself and all Americans. Without it, I might actually know where my admittedly dusky friend Amir has been for the last three years.
To the many students and teachers who have visited from some of the world's finest institutions of higher learning, including NYU, the University of Pennsylvania, the University of Chicago, and Macomb Community College, isn't there something to, like, learn?
To the various agents visiting from the William Morris Agency in California, no, I do not have representation currently and would be more than happy to consider your offer, provided it is accompanied by the appropriate amount of wooing.
And to you, visitor from the Landmark Graphics Corporation in Houston, I know what you're up to. Landmark Graphics, "A Halliburton Company," is a front if I've ever seen one. And if I've explained the whole military-industrial Masonic Illuminati thing once, I've explained it a million times, so I'm not going to get into it again here. Suffice it to say, buddy, that one of these days your house of cards will crumble. When that happens, you look up from the rubble, Mr. Cheney... I mean "mystery visitor," and you'll see me standing there, delightfully nude and greased slick with scented oils and mentholated unguents, staring back at you. And I'll be laughing the laugh of the righteous and nude and mentholated.
The image above appears on the homepage of Illuminati front company Landmark Graphics, and clearly shows a diabolical Arian mastermind inacting horrible plans with the help of his seductive and deadly sidekick, The Dragon Lady.
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Monday, October 25, 2004
Unfortunately, this news comes on the same day that polls say Bush has taken a five point lead. So I'm left disconcerted that they're right, and that God, rascal that he is, is on their side after all.
When I think about nominees, I reassure myself by remembering that Heinrich Himmler is dead already.
"What? Me worry?"
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Friday, October 22, 2004
I can't wait to surf on over to The Spoonbender to see what's what with this story. I'll bet this Apostle guy got ripped a new a-hole! Maybe a joke about his name, even! Click Favorites, drag The Spoonbender, and prepare for laughs!
Well, think again, you dipshit. Not only am I not going to rip Tony Apostle a new asshole or make fun of his name, but I'm also not going to make you laugh. That's because I, for one, don't think the education of our youth is anything to laugh about.
Who among you can say you learned anything the day of your school's Halloween celebration, except maybe how to smear greasepaint into a nerd's ham sandwich or what a burgeoning teenaged bosom looks like in a profanely tight cat costume? Who among you? None among you, that's who.
Let's face it: Our youth is stupid, and they're getting stupider. While coming to school all hopped up from huffing spirit gum might be an answer to the problem, I submit that it's not the answer.
Additionally, what good are schoolgirls dressed pornographically when they're on school grounds, of which I cannot go within 500 yards, thanks to Mr. Court Order here?
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Bob Geldof, above, seen on the street.
Sundried tomato, above, seen on portabello and ricotta -filled ravioli with cream sauce.
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Wednesday, October 20, 2004
And as I'm not feeling well, something about Carl Kasell is killing me today. That a man whose cheeks, lips, and tongue seem like more of an impediment to speech than the instruments of it is the voice of National Public Radio is inappropriate at best. It's as though he's speaking through a mouthful of paste. African languages sometimes incorporate clicks and pops simultaneous to throat sounds, and so does Carl's speech. I can hear each time his cheeks glue and unglue themselves from his teeth, and it's fucking disgusting.
Carl, you seem well-meaning and friendly, so I'll say this as kindly as I can: It's time to turn over the mic to someone with a less offputting voice, like Joan Rivers or Gilbert Gottfried or a drowning Yeti.
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Tuesday, October 19, 2004
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Veerappan was known as the Indian Robin Hood because he was perceived to commit crimes against the rich, though his victims were primarily policemen, forest rangers, elephants, whose tusks he poached, and sandalwood trees, which he smuggled. There are no reports of him giving much of anything to the poor, other than the joy a huge moustache brings.
Veerappan, behind the moustache above, stole more than the tusks of endangered Indian elephants -- he stole his country's heart... and its sandalwood.
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Monday, October 18, 2004
What's better is that the Pentagon spokesman who released the information is named Flex Plexico.
"At least two are believed to have died in fighting in Afghanistan, and a third was recaptured during a raid of a suspected training camp in Afghanistan," said Plexico in a thundering baritone. "Others are at large"
Plexico's sidekick and sometime lover, Meat McGurdy, interjected, "Those agreements were notarized, people! We've got records!"
Army hero Flex Plexico instructs the very bad boys at Gitmo to put their heads down and think about what they've done.
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Sunday, October 17, 2004
Last week the AM pointed me in the direction of this website that projects the electoral vote count based on the most recent polls, and I've checked it daily since. I can't not check it because I find it terrifying.
If Bush wins, I'll be very upset, but not with Republicans. As of today, Iowa and Florida are a dead heat. That's a total of 34 electoral votes -- enough to make either Bush or Kerry president. The upsetting thing is that Nader is polling at 2% in Iowa and 1% in Florida.
I don't know if it will help, but check out this website:
VotePair. It's designed to allow voters in "safe states" like Texas, Georgia, Illinois, or New York to trade their vote with a would-be third party "protest" voter someplace like Iowa or Florida. The idea is that Nader (or Cobb or Badnarik) will get a representitive number of votes nationwide, but won't fuck up the future of our country in the process.
And if you support Nader, please don't bother commenting. Instead, take that time to go fuck yourself. I'd rather see another four years of Bush than to listen to one minute of your bullshit.
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Saturday, October 16, 2004
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Thursday, October 14, 2004
Am I the only one who thinks that's kind of hot?
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Wednesday, October 13, 2004
Blake Douglass, '05
Quote: "Workin' on those night moves...."
Nicknames: Blake, Red, Woody, Douche, Foghorn, Loser, Grovite, Dick
Claim to Fame: Stupid lawsuit over gun in senior photo, Never having kissed a girl
Never Forget: Prom '04 and not going; Caught masturbating in locker room... twice!
Best Friends: Mom
Ambition: To come out
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What's Mandarin for shooting fish in a barrel?
As Krupke pointed out himself, that the government of the largest nation on earth cannot type "yellow tail" into Google should be plenty of proof to world's remaining communists that Marx's dream is deader than the eyes of a Thai hooker at the end of a 16 hour shift.
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Tuesday, October 12, 2004
Well, Mary Kate's in the news again. This time because she and former student Vili "Can I Buy a Consonant" Fualaau are engaged. And why not? It just goes to prove that the couple that stays after class together, stays together.
Mary Kate discussed her relationship with Vili Walla Walla Bing Bang during an appearance on Larry King, throughout which the round-shouldered host's hands, normally in famous repose on his desk, were conspicuously busy under the console.
"We had a really compatible sense of humor," she said. "Back then, he just loved Rob Schneider, and so did I. We both thought Crank Yankers was awesome, and we'd send those 'Priceless' ads with drunk girls showing their boobs to one another on IM."
"And just our perspective on life... it was the same," LeTourneau continued. "We both really think life's awesome, you know?"
LeTourneau told King she hopes to begin working with incarcerated women. "I yearn to teach again... to get in front of a class full of desirous students like I used to... students that want nothing more than to catch me in their forbidden embrace... and to bend over for them, revealing my bounty...."
She was interrupted by King, who said through labored breath, "Portland, Oregon!"
The Blushing Bride
Debbie Beasley, because any excuse is a good excuse.
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Monday, October 11, 2004
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Then I read the article.
Apparently this girl, she's called Laura Hatch, has insane friends. I don't mean unhinged with grief or crazy like a fox. I mean fucking lulu. My evidence is Sha Nohr -- the woman with the truncated name who found her.
According to the article, Sha dreamt "...about a wooded area and went out to look [the next morning] with her daughter."
The incident happened outside of Seattle, Washington -- an area the residents of which dream about nothing but, coffee, wooded areas, and Pearl Jam's amazing 1992 Unplugged performance. The whole fucking state is wooded area.
Sha Nohr: Honey! Honey! Wake up! I just had a dream about a wooded area -- get your Birks on, 'cause we're heading out to look for Laura!
Netha Nohr: Aw, mom, let's just can it. Last time you dreamt about hardwood, we wound up cruising for Latinos all over Seattle.
Sha Nohr: Oh, you!
Fin
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On one hand, I'm very sad to see Christopher Reeve go. I'd imagine that it would be easy to fall into depression and out of the public eye when something like that happens. Instead, he worked to raise money and awareness for spinal cord injury very publicly, which couldn't have been the easiest thing in his shape. On the other hand, I'm kind of glad it's over because it was really difficult to watch.
Christopher Reeve, seated meaningfully below the word "Courage."
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Thursday, October 07, 2004
I know what you're thinking. Another one already? It seems like we just elected that Gore fella. Believe me, I feel you. Democracy can really chafe when your to-do list is already, like, a mile long. But you know me -- always the optimist. The way I see it, the glass is always half full... usually of methamphetamine diluted into ethanol! Oh, I'm only joshin'!
But seriously, folks, it could be worse: you could be in Afghanistan.
You see, they've got an election coming up, too. It should be an exciting time, what with their recent liberation from the tyrannical yoke of cretanous illiterate dirt worshippers, but observers of the rubble-mound of a country are concerned that someone might need to put a little more demo into their democracy. Why? Get this: Because they're all illiterate dirt worhshippers!
From the CNN article:
...both cheerfully admit they're illiterate, like 80 percent of the population, and they're confused about who to vote for and how to do it.
"God knows who he wants as president," says Hamidullah. "I will go to the voting booth and if I try to vote for someone that God doesn't want, he'll move my hand to the right box."
I mean, come on! Make all the jokes you want about dangling chads (especially because that kind of sounds like a term for penis.) Those ESL Cubans in Miami have nothing on Hamidullah here. For his sake, let's hope God can read the ballot.
I can hear it now: "The results are in. With 11% of the vote, it's Given Name. Interim President Hamid Karzai has 32%, and the winner, with 51%, is Date of Birth! Viva Afghanistan! Long may she wave!"
Afghan President Hamid Karzai, who is running for reelection, recently changed his name to a graphical representation of a bullseye.
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Wednesday, October 06, 2004
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Tuesday, October 05, 2004
But really, any of those things would be fine. I just want to capture those beautiful years, months, moments in the eternal papier mâché that is art.
I mean, I don't want to capture them. I want them to be captured, and I want to enjoy them.
The beautiful rivers, the cafes, the wonderful people and their fantastic educations. Their middle class to wealthy upbringings, and their blissfully monochromatic skin. The luckily impoverished Eastern Europeans and their insatiable hunger for American money.
Lucky for us, I mean. Not the Hungarians. Hungary? Is that where Prague is?
How would I spell the authoring of such a work? RELIEF!
The Rexpatriots. Get it? So rich!
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Reason #82 for Keeping Your Record Breakingly Huge Stash of Child Porn in the Basement: It'll be safe from upset by tornados....
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The judge said that, though he doesn't think the case is a criminal matter, it should be used to clarify what the legally "accepted standard is." Apparently the tests generally used to determine brain function were not clearly failed in this case, so the man could not technically be declared dead. Many medical ethicists long have supported widespread adoption of the "Percentage Brain Weight Scraped Off Of Surrounding Furniture Test" as a means for declaring death.
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Monday, October 04, 2004
I know what you're thinking. Come on, you lazy shit. How many times have we heard about the mayor of this burg or that treating himself to some rape goodies?
Well, first, let me say that I find the term "rape goodies" absolutely objectionable, and I think it's disgusting you'd even think it. Second, this is no ordinary mayor and these aren't your usual rape goodies.
The Pitcairns are tiny volcanic islands in the Pacific somewhere between New Zealand and Peru. They're currently inhabited a total of 47 people -- supposedly the descendants of mutineers from HMS Bounty. Now it doesn't take a mathematician figure out that, if that whole HMS Bounty thing went down in the 18th century and the present day inhabitants are descendants of those folks, the Pitcairn family tree's probably pretty straight. But that's neither here nor there. It just adds some skeevy incestuous sauce to the tale.
The rapes allegedly ended in 1975 and began in 1964, when 53-year-old Christian was 13. Now I'm not saying that you can't do awful things when you're 13, but abuse a personal harem? I'm no lawyer, but it sounds to me like Christian better bust out the old "don't hate the playa, hate the game" defense. But again, that's neither here nor there.
The really funny thing about all this is that if Christian and the two other Pitcairnies with whom he's standing trial are convicted, there won't be enough men to operate the long boats necessary to keep the islands supplied. So either lose operation of your long boats or shut up and deal with the mayor's long boat.
Two words, ladies of Pitcairn: Craig's List. I can think of at least two people that might jump at the chance to lord over a tiny island and require nothing more than a little hand release every now and then.
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OK. "Hot." Are you happy? You people just won't give up until I'm dead or under house arrest.
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Fool: I know! This really is a dream come true for me. Oh my god! I can see the UTA tower!
Idiot: Where? Where?
Fool: Over there... come 'ere. Look... just past those trees...
Pilot: Ah, guys, you're going to have to split back up... it's a balance issue...
Fool: Oh, sorry. I'm sorry. I was just so overwhelmed by the view....
Pilot: Come on... hurry up!
Idiot: Holy shit! Are we OK? Fuck!
Fool: Oh my god! Oh my god! I don't want to be here!
Idiot: Trees! Those trees!
Pilot: Got... to... set... her... down... G... forces... too... strong... BRACE!
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Friday, October 01, 2004
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Lookin' Good
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Officials from Emory University Hospital have contacted more than 500 people who underwent operations at the hospital between September 10 and 27. The reason is that a man who had brain surgery during that period was later diagnosed with the human variant of mad cow disease, Creutzfeldt-Jakob, and exposure to the implements used might result in infection.
According to the article:
Emory officials said they routinely sterilize all surgical equipment and have implemented an even more thorough sterilization procedure since Sept. 15.
I routinely wash my pants, but there's usually not any blood and gristle on them. Doesn't it seem like the sterilization of the various skull saws, scalp peelers, and gray matter knives used should be done after every single brain surgery? I mean, I'll bet Emory charges insurance companies hundreds of thousands of dollars to crack a skull open. For that, maybe they should just spring for a brand new set of steak knives every time.
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