I've heard the rumors. It's hard not to. The whispers, at first solitary and hesitant, grew quickly into an urgent chorus of which all of America and indeed the world is now a part. It's so loud now that the very internet is rattling from the sound. Can you hear it, fawning fans mine? It sounds like an icemaker or a far away vibrator.

So it is in the public interest that now I respond to what many of you have asked.

What is the meaning of the Ed Bradley post? Is it true that he was the author of this website, and that his illness explains the lack of recent posts?
While it's not true that Ed Bradley was the author of The Spoonbender, it is true that his illness kept me from regular posts these past few months. And as his caretaker, lover, and brother from another mother, I felt there was no better way to memorialize him than to invoke the old Colt .45 tagline in his name.

What about the rumor that you haven't been posting because you've spent the last months serving as a member of the Baker-Hamilton commission?
Upon Rudy Giuliani's resignation from the commission, I was approached to participate. Although I considered it, in the end I decided that involvement would jeopardize my ability to continue to put my fingers inside FAJILF Sandra Day O'Connor. I declined and jokingly recommended Ed Meese serve in my stead, but apparently the sarcasm intended when I wrote, "Why don't you get Meese, that rubbery fuck?" didn't come across in the email.

Is it true that being doubled over with laughter at Gawker Media's recent (mis)fortunes, including the "sale" of Sploid and Screenhead and "lapse" of their distribution deal with Yahoo, has prevented you from posting?
No, but it's certainly kept a smile on my face. How smart does Jason Calcanis look now, Nick? Even Jessica Coen knows it's best leave the party before morning light exposes the ugliness that nighttime and alcohol helpfully conceal (but to be fair, she's had way more practice than you.)

Analogcabin @ 10:00 AM
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