The World Court ruled against the United States today in 51 of the 52 cases included in a suit brought against the US by Mexico. The court found that US authorities did not advise the 51 Mexican citizens of their rights to consular assistance before they were tried and convicted of murder.
In the ruling, presiding judge Shi Jiuyong said that the US should "...provide by means of its own choosing meaningful review of the convictions and sentences." Or, to translate from the complicated language of international law, "please just pretend you're listening to us."
The World Court is the United Nations' highest judiciary and, according to its charter, its rulings are "binding, final, and without appeal." Should a nation ignore one of its rulings, the Court can appeal to the UN Security Council for action.
This last occurred when the US, ignoring another of World Court ruling, executed German nationals the LaGrand brothers, and was subsequently invaded by forces from Security Council member states Alegeria, Angola, Pakistan, Romania, and Benin in what is now known as the Cabbie Incursion of 2001.
The Picture of Impotence
Analogcabin @ 12:23 PM ------------------------- The much-hyped liberal radio network Air America launched today. Here in Chicago it can found at 950 on your AM dial.
Analogcabin @ 9:28 AM ------------------------- This article outlines a study conducted at UC San Diego that found purebred dog owners choose pets that resemble them.
Analogcabin @ 6:33 AM ------------------------- I never really understood the whole anonymous, KFC tub on the head thing that is guitarist Buckethead. At least until now.
Analogcabin @ 11:46 AM ------------------------- Things are looking up for Jason Patrick. It used to be that he couldn't get arrested in Hollywood, now look at him.
Analogcabin @ 7:35 AM ------------------------- Whoops.
Analogcabin @ 7:27 AM ------------------------- If someone can explain to me why the Bush administration thinks this is a good idea, I'd appreciate it.
Analogcabin @ 1:00 PM ------------------------- Judge Charles Pickering, appointed to the 5th Circuit bench by Bush during a congressional recess in order to avoid the confirmation process, defended himself of charges that he's a racist last night on 60 Minutes.
Analogcabin @ 9:20 AM ------------------------- I think there's no better news with which to leave you for the weekend than this. If a four-eared kitten can find a loving home, even in the birthplace of eugenics, Germany, I have no doubt we all can find happiness.
Analogcabin @ 2:14 PM ------------------------- That bloggers are self-obsessed and relentlessly incestuous isn't news to anyone. What's strange to me is that these little blog cliques, let's call them bliques, tend to be geographically centered. New York City is, without question, where the cool kids blog. Granted, they blog about shit like reading newspapers and rimjobbing bands full of trust fund kids, but what option do we have but to read? Then there's The City Jack White Built -- Detroit, where they almost speak English. There are other examples, I have no doubt, but I'd rather not look into them.
Analogcabin @ 9:02 AM ------------------------- Despite overwhelming boredom and access to a high speed internet connection, I normally resist the kind of internet tests, quizzes, and profilers that become ubiquitous and outdated within the span of hours, thanks to the lightning fast machinations of the Blog-O-Sphere. But the Physical Attraction Test at Match seemed simply too amazing to pass up.
Analogcabin @ 11:26 AM ------------------------- Analogcabin @ 8:38 AM ------------------------- If there's one thing people ask me all the time, it's how this season's American Idol voting demographics break down. They ask, and I ignore them, of course. Rather than respond in person, which tends to be rather stinky and sexually-charged with me, I've worked it up for you right here. Analogcabin @ 12:03 PM ------------------------- In a turn of events less shocking than that Taylor Sumers wasn't her real name, Canadian porn star Natel King, who was last seen February 29 travelling to a "photoshoot" in Conshoshocken, Pennsylvania, was found dead in a ravine near the Schuykill River. Schuykill is the Huron word for "Ontarian kill."
Analogcabin @ 10:47 AM ------------------------- This article, about Venezuelan children so impoverished and hungry that they hunt endangered flamingos for food, reminds me of the 1984 Matt Dillon film, The Flamingo Kid.
Analogcabin @ 10:36 AM ------------------------- This is goodish news. Good is that someone's taking a swing at making London Fields. Ish because it's Cronenberg -- a director not only preposterous enough to make a movie called eXistenZ, but to capitalize the X and Z.
Analogcabin @ 7:20 AM ------------------------- There's a word I can't think of. It means "a giver of money to charity." It's like patron, except not of the arts. I think of these people as having trust funds and living in Manhattan. Altruist? Benefactor?
Analogcabin @ 11:25 AM ------------------------- The latest accolyte of the Cult of Obvs, Retrobuzz, lacks permalinks, so you'll have to scroll down to find his discussion of what I like to call Things that Make Stupid People Sound Stupid. He mentions "intensive purposes" and "supposively/supposably."
Analogcabin @ 8:47 AM ------------------------- Yahoo's starting the week out right with the following headline: Zombies Push Jesus from Top of North American Box Office. Crafting that little number made some over-educated and underpaid content editor's day.
Analogcabin @ 7:01 AM ------------------------- Analogcabin @ 11:59 AM ------------------------- I have scabies.
Analogcabin @ 1:08 PM ------------------------- I'm not going to make the argument that starving your quadriplegic brother to death isn't wrong. In a world crippled with relativist bullshit, there are some things that are black and white, wrong and right. I'm going to take a stand today and proclaim for all to hear that, yes, starving a quadriplegic to death is wrong. Especially if it's your brother.
Analogcabin @ 10:59 AM ------------------------- Today is my 29th birthday. Standing here at the threshold of my failing years, I wonder if I've done all I should have during my twenties -- the anglo rumspringa during which you decide whether or not to proceed with the boring bulk of life.
Analogcabin @ 7:21 AM ------------------------- By now we've all heard about Marcus Wesson -- the Fresno man found with the bodies of 9 relatives and twelve coffins in his house. But how much do we really know about Marcus? According to his son, Serafino, he was "the best dad anybody could ever have."
Analogcabin @ 1:51 PM ------------------------- According to the AP, JonBenet Ramsey's father John is considering a run for Michigan's House of Representatives.
Analogcabin @ 1:30 PM ------------------------- Ah, yes. The famed Spanish resolve. They know naps. But war? Not so much.
Analogcabin @ 7:55 AM ------------------------- I'm in Las Vegas attending focus groups, and that's one statement I never dreamt of making when I was a boy imagining a fulfilling life.
Analogcabin @ 2:58 PM ------------------------- Analogcabin @ 12:16 PM ------------------------- I'm particularly down on the state of the union today.
Analogcabin @ 11:56 AM ------------------------- In light of the recent, steep spiral into facism this country appears to have taken, let's hope he dies. Analogcabin @ 6:36 AM ------------------------- Nothing today. Too busy. I'm sure you'll survive on the dreams of what tomorrow may bring. Analogcabin @ 2:32 PM ------------------------- This is a story about the defense of a woman, Heather Specyalski, on trial for manslaughter. Prosecutors claim she was driving Neil Esposito's car when it went off the road and crashed into some trees, killing him. Defense lawyers claim she wasn't driving Esposito's car, she was sucking his wiener. The pants on his body, found some distance from the car, were down, and Specyalski's defense claims that's proof of the road head.
Analogcabin @ 1:56 PM ------------------------- I'd like to take a moment to recognize the passing of one of baseball's greatest figures -- Marge Schott. Large Marge was in charge of the Cincinnati Reds throughout the 90's, until public outcry over her use of racial slurs and praise of Hitler forced her to sell the team in 1999.
Analogcabin @ 12:47 PM ------------------------- According to NASA, Mars was once "soaking wet."
Analogcabin @ 12:35 PM ------------------------- Ignore my whole Oldest Man in America Causes Greenspan to Spit on Social Security thing, as if you weren't already. Apparently the fucker was only 92.
Analogcabin @ 10:28 AM ------------------------- Computers, videotapes, and a DVD called Neverland Party have been seized as evidence in the King of Popping Boy Cherries trial. In and of itself, this isn't a big development. Slightlly more dubious is that they were seized from the Calabasas office of Michael's "videographer," Marc Shaffel.
Analogcabin @ 7:30 AM ------------------------- Analogcabin @ 9:35 AM -------------------------
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Yes, AM. The old one that sounds like the inside of a conch shell.
I tuned in to Chuck D's morning show briefly, and was chagrined when I heard neither his voice nor those of the ever-faithful S1W's. Instead, Living Colour's hit "Cult of Personality" was playing. Granted, my socks were rocked off somewhat, even on muddy AM, but I was looking forward to something other than dated protest songs.
My Air America twofer Wednesday concluded when "Eve of Destruction" came on.
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This is my dog. We're both covered in scabies bites, so I guess that's a resemblance.
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Tuesday, March 30, 2004
What would normally be just another in a string of blasé press releases regarding Rose cancellations and Chinese Democracy delays becomes comic genius when the name Buckethead and Bucket, for short, is used repeatedly and with scorn.
(From Left) Funk-Legend Bootsy Collins, Guitarist Buckethead, Comedian Chris Tucker, and Director Hype Williams
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Wait. Austin? Maybe he still can't get arrested in Hollywood.
The Lost Boys star Jason Patrick still can't get arrested in Hollywood.
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"Did I say not in public or under oath? I meant the exact opposite."
Seriously, though. This is the right thing to do, so I want to congratulate the Bush administration on the decision. Don, Condi... I know you're both reading this, 'cause you're fans of brilliant writing. Way to go, ebony and ivory.
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Monday, March 29, 2004
It's as though they're trying as hard as they can to seem to the world less like a democraticly elected branch of a stable government and more like a secretive cabal.
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Here's what happened when he was asked about an incident in which he reduced the sentence of a man convicted of burning a cross on the lawn of an interracial couple from seven and a half to two and a half years:
"I told him what he did was a heinous, reprehensible, despicable, dastardly act and that he was going to the penitentiary for it," said Pickering with a sly wink.
Justice for All, Except Octoroons
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Friday, March 26, 2004
There's a joke to be made about this. I can't think of it all, but the punchline is, "That pussy's all ears!"
Are four ears enough to hear the sound of hearts melting worldwide?
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I realized the other day that, though I live in Chicago -- Icy Jewel of the Great Midwest -- I don't read any Chicago blogs. Well that's about to change. I've found five, and I'll give them each one week to make me fall in love.
Here we are, engaged in an activity of highly dubious value at least in part because we like the idea that people all over the world could be receiving our broadcast. Yet we obsess over the blog written by the idiot one cube over. It's like using a ham radio to talk to your neighbor.
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Thursday, March 25, 2004
I know what you're thinking: If it's a physical attraction test, you must have aced it! It's not testing my attractiveness, silly! It's meant to determine the type of woman I tend to find attractive. Overall, I have to admit that I'm amazed. It's either very accurate or very convincing. I think there's something to this whole computer thing.
Here are some bullet points from my personalized report:
Favorite Qualities:
- Your photo choices suggest a woman over 30 is probably getting a little old for your tastes.
- You seemed interested in dating a woman at least 25 or older.
- Very beautiful women.
- Sharp, narrow chins.
- Wide and angular "diamond" or heart-shaped faces.
- So-called "Ecto-Mesomorphs," with narrow chins and nicely angular faces.
I found the third bullet, "Very beautiful women," to be particularly revealing. I must say that I'd have been put off if it said, "Very ugly women."
Via the Fantastically Redesigned Lindsayism.com.
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Those eyes... that hair... the sinful, moist mouth. I crown thee Admiral Sexy!
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Wednesday, March 24, 2004
J. P. Lewis, George Huff, John Stevens, Matt Rogers
As you should be able to gather, the four men draw from the "pubescent girls in search of proto-masturbatory material" demographic. This demo wants the next Clay or Ruben -- a completely non-threatening object of pseudosexual desire. Lewis works well, as he's cute, but not handsome; goofy, but not funny. Stevens, though baby-faced and awkward, has a quietness that says "touch me" -- offputting for 11-year-old girls. George Huff is too obviously gay, and that will work against him later on. But as he also pulls off the "chocolate" demographic, he'll outlast Stevens. Rogers is too much man and comes off like a date-rapist. He'll be eliminated first.
Fantasia Barrino, LaToya London, George Huff, Jennifer Hudsen
It's foolish to deny that race plays a part in Idol. A certain segment of the voting audience will never vote the "chocolate" demographic; another segment will never stray from it. So, no matter how much it's warranted, we won't see a Fantasia/LaToya final two. Fantasia will outlast LaToya for no reason other than that she's got more "Disney" and "Midler" appeal.
Camile Velasco, Jasmine Trias, LaToya London, Leah LaBelle
The "straight, male, and horny" demographic is so small as to be insignificant.
Amy Adams, Fantasia Barrino, Jennifer Hudsen
The "Midler" demographic is largely comprised of gay men in search of a fat diva, usually in over-dyed hair. Adams is the obvious choice here, though I suspect this demo's allegiance will shift quickly to the fabulous Fantasia.
Jasmine Trias, Diana DeGarmo
Without fail, the "Disney" demographic votes underage and adorable. While DeGarmo's probably got the lion's share of talent here, she's also got the lion's share of fat and annoying. Five years, thirty pounds, and some Manic Panic later, she'd do well with the "Midler"s. Trias is adorable, but she's a little too ethnic to capture the "Disney" demographic. Jasmine would be better off following Camile's lead and going less Don Ho, more Don's ho.
Crunch the numbers, and the voting should shake out something like this:
Matt Rogers, Jennifer Hudsen, Camile Velasco, Diana DeGarmo, John Stevens, Amy Adams, Jasmine Trias, George Huff, LaToya London, J.P. Lewis, Fantasia Barrino.
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When will would be porn stars learn that the only safe photoshoots are those conducted in an abadoned warehouse just outside of Tarzana?
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Tuesday, March 23, 2004
If you haven't seen it, it was a hilarious coming of age story that featured both Bronson Pinchot and Fisher Stevens, if you can imagine such a thing. Hilarious.
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Via Chicha.
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Monday, March 22, 2004
Anyway, I'm not one of those. I've donated about $50 LA NPR affiliate KCRW over the years, and I gave $100 to the New York Firefighters thing after 9/11, but I think that about covers my charitable giving. Despite that, I feel comfortable saying that anyone who donated money to the Save Angel campaign should be taken into the street and shot.
According to the above referenced article, SavingAngel.org has collected about $22,000 in the past few weeks. The money is being spent on placing ads in various showbiz trade papers and hiring a billboard truck to park near wherever it is that those Hollywood big wigs camp out. Opium dens and houses of ill-repute, no doubt.
Gay marriage will be banned, as will abortion. About a quarter of the people you know will die of cancer. Bush will be re-elected. But Angel will be saved.
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I'd add the following: "Irregardless" is not a word. You mull something over and you mill about. You flesh an idea out and you flush game out of the scrub.
I have a friend that always corrects me when I say that I'm itching a bite. "You're scratching something that itches." I found this irritating even before I had scabies.
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The below publicity shot and caption ran with the story. My disappointment with the graying and decaying zombie's very pink belly was assauged by the use of the phrase "the combined might of Jesus and Mel Gibson" in the caption.
The combined might of Jesus and Mel Gibson was no match for a plague of ravenous zombies at the weekend box office in North America.
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Friday, March 19, 2004
If the above photo is to be believed, cornered al Qaeda mastermind Ayman al-Zawahiri isn't quite as crafty as he purports to be. Concealing oneself within a mud fortress at the center of an area clearly delineated by a luminiscent rectangle visible from the air is a battlefield strategy that went by the wayside with Jarts. Frankly, it makes me wonder why it took us this long to find him.
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Thursday, March 18, 2004
There. I said it. Are you happy, America? The world? I have scabies, OK? Now stop the whispering and the pointing. I might be cursed with a disease generally associated with poor and unwashed children, but I'm still a man. I'm a man and I refuse to hide any longer. I struggle with my condition every day. For that I want recognition. I don't want a hand out. I want a hand up. Or a hand out. Whichever is easier.
My struggle with scabies began a few weeks ago when I got a dog. His name is Gary, and he came to me with an itchy, bloody, smelly, and generally disgusting skin condition that the vet suspected was an allergy of some kind. Test after test came up negative and medications were prescribed.
Gary's condition improved while mine deteriorated. My forearms were covered with tiny welts that itched as though I'd been injected with a solution of one part Cholula and two parts Adams Novelty Itching Powder. As I am a survivor and very gifted at internet research, I was able to discover that which has become my nemesis -- the sarcopses mite, architect of sarcoptic mange, otherwise known as scabies. I contacted the nibbishy and effeminate vet, Dr. Dickes, who confirmed my prognosis.
Gary is now on the appropriate cocktail of steroids, antibiotics, and Ivermectin. American Idol is my only salve. I am doomed to itch until young Gary is free of his pest infestation, but that does not mean I cannot love. I am not contagious. The sarcopses that burrow into my skin condemn themselves to die. The vet says I'm not a good host.
But I say I'm a great host. Shun me no longer, America!
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Wednesday, March 17, 2004
So what Kim Loebig did to her brother Scott Olsen is wrong. No ifs, ands, or butts about it.
Still, there's a chance that his lack of food might have also been his just desserts. If you make it through the entire article, past the disgusting details like bedsores infested with insects and that the six-footer weighed only 63 pounds when he died, you'll see something interesting. It's called the backstory, people, and believe you me, it's always interesting.
Police suspect the Kim's motive for the murder was a $250,000 inheritance. It's part of a settlement Scott received when he sued a drugstore for selling another man butane. What does another man's butane have to do with Scott? Well, Scott inhaled said butane and wound up quadriplegic. And what does he do? Sues the drugstore.
So imagine this Scott. Not only is he the kind of person that huffs butane, he's the kind of person that sues the store that sells the butane when he winds up in a wheelchair. What I'm saying is that I'll bet he was a real pain in the ass.
Of course, that doesn't mean Kim should have starved him to death. I think "accidentally forgetting" him in the WalMart parking lot for a few days would have done the trick.
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Tuesday, March 16, 2004
I'd like to know what you think a person should accomplish or experience before good life ends at 30. Submit your suggestions in the comments. I have 364 days left. Maybe it's not too late.
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Monday, March 15, 2004
It's touching to hear that kind of love between father and son. Unfortunately, it's difficult to fit "World's #1 Sister Raping, Niece/Sister and Nephew/Brother Killing Dad" on a mug.
World's #1 Dad in World's #1 Handcuffs.
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If electability is having public and police suspicion about the unsolved murder of your 6-year-old daughter turn on you again and again, we'd better start calling him Representative Ramsey.
"Daddy would make a killer Representative to the Michigan House," said the ghost of JonBenet Ramsey.
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I understand the impetus. What happened to all those people in Madrid is awful. I mean, taking the train is horrible enough. Dying on it is almost too much to imagine. But does that mean Spain should pull out of Iraq in response? Absolutely not. Those commuters may have exploded, but they exploded for freedom.
But I jest, barely, and I shouldn't. What I mean to say is that, while I think we all agree that only the staunchest proponents of manifest destiny still think the whole Iraq thing was a good idea, pulling out now is an even worse idea. We made the mess, and we're going to have to clean it up.
I know what you're thinking. We made the mess, not Spain. True, but regardless of the strongarm tactics employed to extract their consent, they consented. To back off from that decision in the face of a terrorist attack is irresponsible and an invitation for further extortion. Spain should know -- they've been dealing with the Basques for decades. Or, better put, not dealing with the Basques for decades.
"Nos entregamos," or, "We surrender."
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Wednesday, March 10, 2004
Here's a covertly snapped image of my punishment for the week.
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Monday, March 08, 2004
I know what you're thinking. Why is my mechanic brandishing that Penguin Portable English/Spanish Dictionary? Is he drunk?
First off, that's the President of Venezuela, Hugo Chavez. And he's brandishing his country's constitution while threatening the United States with a "hundred year war," or guerra cientos años.
My mechanic's the President of Venezuela?
No, you racist bastard. While your mechanic might be Venezuelan, he's most certainly not the President of the oil-rich South American nation.
So why is Chavez so irritable? He's concerned he could be the next target of a US ouster, and he had some tough talk for us on Venezuelan TV Sunday. Not only did he promise any US invasion would be met with a "hundred year war," he also promised that should the US make any moves on him, we can kiss Venezuelan oil, which accounts for 15% of our imports, goodbye.
I really wish someone would invent a "Mr. Fusion" like the one in Back to the Future already. That'd be a relief.
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Friday, March 05, 2004
Certain of my more liberal friends have been playing chicken little since Bush's inauguration, but I've always been a believer that the genius of American democracy is that it corrects itself toward the center. So, despite some distaste for Bush, I felt assured that a sudden and disastrous turn right would be impossible in our country. Too sharp a turn would only serve to insure the election of someone liberal enough to correct the centrist course. I still have hope, but I'm not quite as certain as I once was.
But my point today wasn't to complain about our hollow-headed President and the Masonic cabal directing him. It was to say that, when I get to feeling this way about America, I tend to idealize the British as an unfailingly reasonable and level-headed people. Then an article like this reminds me that, while they put up a good front, they're all, at their cores, inbred and classist eugenicists.
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Thursday, March 04, 2004
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Wednesday, March 03, 2004
I suspect a number of bloggers today read that much of the story, rushed out their stick shift jokes, and posted. It's understandable -- not everyday presents us with such low-hanging blog fruit as this. But reading the article in its entirety reveals the following bizarre and delusional quote from the prosecutor, refuting the defense's suggestion:
His pants could have been down because he was mooning a car he was drag racing. His pants could have been down because he was urinating out of a window. His pants could have been down because he wasn't feeling well.
His pants could have been down because he wasn't feeling well? It's not impossible to imagine a gentleman out for a joyride with his best girl, when he's suddenly and unfortunately stricken ill. It's closer to impossible to imagine the ailment that would inspire him to remove his pants.
Maybe rickets, but I can't think of anything else.
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Tuesday, March 02, 2004
Marge can rest in peace knowing that antisemitism won't die with her.
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Thanks, NASA. Like a once-horny, now bone-dry old lady, I'm not sure what this information does for me. Except inspire the most vivid and erotic fantasies.
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I'd kill him, if he weren't dead already.
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OK, so Michael's got videographer. Odd, but people getting married have them, so why not a rich fucking kook? The really dubious thing about this story is that MJ videographer Marc Shaffel also happens to be a gay porn director.
Now I don't have anything against gay porn, and I'm not saying that a career switch from not so innocent assplay to totally innocent horseplay is impossible. What I am saying is that I'd get the kids out of the room before previewing your copy of Neverland Party, just in case.
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Monday, March 01, 2004
This is my new dog. His name is Gary. I'm tired today because I was awake anxious most of the night, concerned that he'd lay waste to my kitchen in a fit of relocation awkwardness, incontinence, diarrhea, and malice. He didn't, and I love him for it.
I still feel anxious, however, because he'll be home alone until 5. I think he'll be OK, though. I left NPR on for him, and I expect that will abet his already massive sleeping habit. Still, I'd be lying if I said All Things Considered hasn't forced me to shit on the floor before.
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