I've gotten one of two questions over the past few weeks. The first is "What were you doing in China all those times?" The other is "Where is the podcast already?" I think the picture below answers both:
If you're shuddering in ecstasy now, imagine what I could do with three arms, above.
Analogcabin @ 4:40 PM ------------------------- So our fucking idiot President's nominee for CIA director, Michael Hayden, has asserted that the NSA's "Wiretapping America!" program is legal. Big surprise there. But today he shared with us a really compelling rationale for the program. In testimony he said, "Had this [Wiretapping America! program] been in place prior to the attacks, the two hijackers who were in San Diego ... almost certainly would have been identified as who they were, what they were and, most importantly, where they were." Analogcabin @ 1:41 PM ------------------------- From CNN.com yesterday... Analogcabin @ 4:22 PM ------------------------- I predicted on February 27 what Simon Cowell predicted today. Analogcabin @ 3:20 PM ------------------------- I know you wanted it. I wanted it, too. And I know you tried, because so did I. But sometimes wanting something, no matter how badly, isn't enough. And sometimes trying, no matter how hard, won't make it happen. So let's stop before it gets pathetic. Analogcabin @ 8:41 AM ------------------------- I know that you're all very anxious to be blown away. It's understandable. All I can say is that the technical hurdles have been hurdled, so now it's just a matter or time. Analogcabin @ 8:30 AM ------------------------- So there was a slight technical problem with the podcast recording this weekend, so you'll have to cool your jets for a little while longer. I'm not totally sure how to solve it, but I am totally sure that the product will be worth the wait. Analogcabin @ 11:28 AM ------------------------- By now a lot of you must be wondering what it is that's been keeping me from you. Could it be illness?, you worry, Perhaps AIDS or some kind of mitochondrial infection? I can hear low conversations in negro-oriented beauty salons and gay bar rooms across our great and diverse nation, and not hear them merely figuratively but actually. Maybe it's some kind of personal problem. Like that he has too many bitches all up in his shit, and that his weintraub hurts. Family meetings are being held. The elderly are consulting parish priests. Lonely men are seeking solace in the arms of whores, who themselves are seeking solace in the arms of lonely men. And crack. Maybe it's us. Maybe we've let him down somehow. I could have commented better. Analogcabin @ 8:24 AM ------------------------- To be honest, I think it's kind of hard to tell the difference between a crowd of Mexicans milling around the side of the road looking for work and a crowd of Mexicans milling around the side of the road refusing to work. Analogcabin @ 3:18 PM -------------------------
Permalink |
Thursday, May 18, 2006
So let me get this straight, General Assplay. There were 19 hijackers on September 11. If we had already disregarded our rights and allowed the government to track the phone calls of every American whenever it tickles some NSA fuckface's fancy, the government just might have identified 2 of those men. That's not quite 11% of them. You'd have a higher hit rate if you rigged up bomb-making material in a mousetrap and set it by a mosque.
I don't know about you, but giving up my constitutional rights isn't worth it if 89% of the terrorists are still going to be fucking about. Know what I mean?
General Hayden, above -- the Man Who Would Make Us 11% Safe.
Permalink |
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
There's no space before "bender," gentlemen.
Permalink |
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Permalink |
No one can blame us for liking the idea of a funny, edgy, kind of hot girl. But the truth is that Sarah's not that girl. Maybe that girl isn't even possible. I can't say for sure. But what I do know is that the more chances we give Sarah to be that girl, the more we're reminded that she's not funny, and that makes her seem less hot. We're not helping anyone. So let's just stop.
It's hard for me to say this, but I think it's over.
Permalink |
Permalink |
Monday, May 08, 2006
Permalink |
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
While there is some truth in all of those things, the real reason I've been mostly absent lately is much more exciting. A vengeful Patton Oswalt paid me a personal visit recently. We sat together and laughed together. We held each other close. And we made love. The kind of love only a very brilliant blogger with closely-shorn testicles and a dwarfish stand-up lecturer can make – hot and honeyed, leaving everything in a 12-foot radius coated in a substance very much like chalk and syrup.
I jest. The real truth is that I've been furiously working on the next generation of The Spoonbender.
I'll pause while you blast your load.
That's right. The next generation of The Spoonbender. Now I fully realize that your miserable curd-filled brainpans can't possibly imagine what could be better than the current generation of The Spoonbender, so let me give it away.
Wait for it.
A podcast.
In keeping with my 8 months behind the cutting edge philosophy, I've decided to up the fucking ante and give you a once weekly feast of aural roxotica that will blow your mind and cause the bristling of pelage on your secondary sex characteristics. I don't want to give away too much about it for fear that some idiot like Ricky Gervais will co-opt the format, but I can say that's it's being created in collaboration with the great albeit less well loved than I man behind The American Mastodon. Did you say Lennon and McCartney? Sambora and Bon Jovi? Loggins and Messina? The Captain and Tennille? Yeah. Like that.
The podcast will be available here and through iTunes. Or if you're an adept in the internetteral arts, I understand that you can direct some kind of harvesting mechanism toward the RSS feed in the upper right of this page. After that, all you need do is sit back, close your eyes, and hang on tight. This rocketship is about to launch. Destination? Planet Awesome.
Permalink |
Monday, May 01, 2006
No trabajando por comida.
Permalink |
