I think we can all agree that America needs me now more than ever. But it's difficult to keep up. I have a very busy schedule. Let me tell you about it.

This weekend I hosted one of the Obama "House Parties." The name was appropriate -- it was very similar to the Kid n' Play film of the same name, except that the average age of attendees was twice, perhaps thrice that of those you see in the movie. And before you weakly whine out, Why wasn't I invited?, know this: You will never pass the threshold of my house, you bucket of unctiousness.

Anyway, at the house party we watched a DVD provided by the campaign and then watched a Q&A webcast from Iowa. We did so on my new large television, which is fifty inches and fueled by that oft-forgotten fourth state of matter -- plasma. I think the attendees were impressed by the television, at least until I hooked up the computer to it and used it to show the webcast, the dimensions of which were roughly 10% of the total size of the TV.

Of course, this TV is not intended for viewing webcasts. I bought a Playstation 3 with it, and let me tell you, the combination of the two is really quite delightful. Nothing can flood your soul with a feeling of patriotic accomplishment like successfully re-enacting a series of great battles from WWII on a 50 inch HDTV. Hell, I'd endeavor to say that there's no greater testament to the greatness of America as a nation than the experience of playing Call of Duty on a 50 inch HDTV.

So consider this: We've spent close to a half trillion dollars in Iraq. My really great TV and PS3 cost about $2600. Let's say that, if we include shipping and a copy of Call of Duty, we're at $3000. At that price, we could send one of these really awesome packages to every person in Iraq and Afghanistan and Iran, and we'd still have about 40 million left over.

What should we do with the leftovers? you empty-headedly ask. I say we raffle them off. Raffle eligibility? Being American, motherfucker.

Analogcabin @ 8:56 AM
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