Thursday, April 20, 2006
 

Here's a list of things the Chinese don't do well, all starting with the letter D and off the top of my head. This list is probably not inclusive.

Deodorize
Not themselves, mind you. I'd never get close enough to one to actually know. I'm talking about the deodorization of places. Where I come from, the Home of Freedom, bathrooms frequently smell like ammonia, fake lemon, fake citrus, or fake pine. In China, bathrooms smell like stagnancy. Not shit. They smell like a small pond in summer. And shit. I suppose it's bearable for them because the rest of their country smells only marginally less stagnant than their bathrooms.

Drive
It's an oft-repeated cliché and it couldn't be truer. The world is filled with dangerous road conditions. Italy is a perfect example. Italian drivers are aggressive and perhaps ambivalent to human life. In China, they're simply out of control. They don't drive particularly fast and they don't seem to have malevolence. They just completely ignore all traffic law and lack any idea of how to operate a car.

Drink
If you haven't seen a Chinese person drink half a beer, turn beet red, and start babbling, then you're not an appreciator of diversity. If only we hadn't given away the whiskey and beads store to the Indians, we could have the whole billion of them on a reservation in Mongolia now.

Diaper
To be fair, I'm sure they could diaper is they wanted to. They just choose not to. Instead, the pants children wear have a gap from navel to tailbone. This allows them to shit and piss in the street, in addition to being hot.

Dispose
Litter is a huge problem in China. Or at least in Shanghai. I'm assuming the rest of the largest country on Earth is like this city, because God knows I'm not checking the rest of it out. Those who hope the Chinese embrace conservation and anti-pollution policies faster than the US has need only watch them wipe their ass and then drop the shitty paper on the floor of a restaurant to realize we're all fucked.

Analogcabin @ 1:11 AM
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