Most people see Halloween as a time for costumes and candy, tricks and treats. Not Bexar County, Texas District Attorney Susan Reed, though. Maybe she's a pessimist, a cynic, or maybe she's just old-fashioned, but she sees the holiday as nothing more than "curb service for child molesters." And free delivery of boy ass is something that she just won't cotton this year.

Reed has informed her jurisdiction's registered sex offenders to refrain from decorating, from handing out candy, or from being on the street after dark on Halloween. Sure there are pinkos and sickos that have said the step is an infringement of civil liberties and that, if we as a nation are so certain it's impossible to reform a child molester then we shouldn't let them out of prison in the first place. But I call it good Texan sense. I ask you this: would you give a drunk driver the keys to your car? What about a shifty, thieving Mexican the keys to your house? No and double no, am I right? Then why give the diddler next door the metaphorical keys to your precious Bobby's anal virginity?

Reed has also advised the area's Jewish pyromanics to leave the menorahs in the closet this year, old man fetishists to seal their chimneys prior to Christmas, and those convicted of hate crimes to refrain from celebrating Black History Month.

Analogcabin @ 4:39 PM
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