In a move that is sure to assuage the fears of institutional investors and venture capitalists worldwide, King Kong Bushy, fresh off demanding a five count from a surgified Iraq, has agreed with Congress on an economic stimulus package. The plan, designed to forestall the utter collapse of civilization that is hurtling toward us like a fat man on banana peel skis, should put a whopping $600 into the pockets of every taxpaying American.

Because I work with alarming alacrity, I have engaged a team of pollsters and tasked them with testing the financial prostates of Joe Public and his wife, Suzie Herpes.

America, What Do You Plan on Doing with Your Economic Stimuslix?

11%: Donating It to Mike Huckabee for President

33%: Buying Investment Property

6%: Adding a NOX Injector to My 2008 Prius

14%: Getting Gastric Bypass Surgery

20%: Hiring a Videographer to Produce a High Quality Extreme Makeover: Home Edition Submission Tape

43%: Buying a 56" Flatscreen 1080p Plasma TV at Best Buy -- 2 Years, No Interest

21%: Purchasing Small Caliber Rifle to Fight Off Foreclosure Agents

87%: Building Border Fence