A word to my friends the Taiwanese: rent Troy before you wake up with a wild-eyed Chinaman in a panda suit sticking a Kalashnikov in your face. I don't know if it comes subtitled with those silly little pictures you claim are writing, but get it anyway. While you all were still taking opium naps in a rice paddy, we were learning lessons the hard way. No need to repeat our mistakes.


Pandas are more adorable, harder to resist, and, therefore, more insidious than horses.