Before I attempt to embark upon another week of entertaining your asses off, I want to apologize for the relatively poor quality of last week's posts. I understand that to you, the rabid and unquestioning fan, last week's Spoonbender was genius. But as a man of brilliance, I know that I have a responsibility in addition to masturbation, and I know that I didn't meet that responsibility last week.

The masturbation part I did. Anyway, I'm sorry. This week will be different, I swear. It will be a success the likes of which not seen since the bombing of Cambodia.